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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in YouGottaWanna's LiveJournal:

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Thursday, May 8th, 2003
9:33 am
Updated my personal journal today with my first full day of getting back on the wagon :)

Did an entire day of journalling, counted points, banked points, exercised, drank all of my water, ate all of my veggies.... DAMN I'm good!

About damn time, too :)

Current Mood: accomplished
Wednesday, April 30th, 2003
8:52 am
Fat Moments
I've been off plan for a good 6 weeks now. I haven't gone to a meeting in 2 weeks. The end of the semester has been killing me. Kicking my ass. I have a final on Friday, and then its OVER.

The last day of classes was on Monday. One of the girl's in my class has also joined Weight Watchers, though she doesn't go to the meeting with me or anything. I gave her an extra Points Calculator that I had so she could go to the grocery store prepared. Whee. Anyway, she and I turned in our final projects and then decided to go check out the new REC center on campus that opened earlier this semester. Let me just say WOW! Walking into this place is inspiration to work out! Forget the people, I just wanna get on the RIDES! Okay, okay, so they're not rides, they're stairmasters, treadmills, elliptical trainers, weight machines... you get the picture. But it looks like so much FUN! And then there's the extra-long indoor walking/jogging/running track AND the POOLS! Yes, PLURAL! POOLS! The indoor pool is actually 4 pools: Diving pool with boards and platforms, lane pool for the olympic and hard core swimmers, then two smaller lane pools for us wimps who are just trying to get in shape. There are University Team swimmers and divers there actually training, so the times can be limiting, but not terribly so. There's also an outdoor 'recreational' pool which is really more for the students to hang out in and sunbathe and party.

Now, for the fat moment. I noticed that no one in the REC center was wearing my typical workout clothes of tight leggings with a large shirt. They're wearing the newer workout pants with the flare leg that only fit tight around the butt. So I decided that I need to go get some new workout pants and maybe some tank tops.

Not one to believe in spending a fortune on workout clothing that I'm just going to sweat my ass of in (and also being dependant on the generosity of the Mother Ship), I went to Target to buy some new workout pants. I've bought the XL leggings there and have always been able to fit into them, so I figured I'd just do the same with the pants. I went to the Plus Size department and will note, for anyone interested, that the Plus Size department does not include any workout clothing. So, I did what I'd done before and bought 3 pairs of XL pants that were on sale for 9 bucks. Happy with my purchases, I headed home. Whee.

I got home and tried on the pants later that night. Suffice it to say, I will not be wearing these to the REC center anytime soon. Yes, I can get into them. However, they're supposed to be hip huggers and the waist/belly area has NO give to it, despite them being spandex. So, the give is in the pockets, which bulge out on the sides and the pants barely come up over my butt. They are too uncomfortable with that to work out in at this point. I think that, perhaps, in 10 pounds or so I might be able to fit into them nicely.

So, I need to get back into the mindset of not caring what fashion genre I'm in for working out. I still fit into my leggings and t-shirts, though some of those are way too big. I'm there to work, not to look good. That's what I need to concentrate on.

Luckily for me, I already have a bathing suit that'll work for doing laps in the pool. Beached whale. Sigh.

Current Mood: annoyed
Sunday, April 27th, 2003
7:50 pm
Okay, for those folks who haven't heard, I've turned into the baby machine. ;) I'm 5 and a half months along, and so, I'm no longer able to do Weight Watchers. I am, however, planning on making it the first outing after I feel like leaving the house with the baby. ;) Overall, I'd lost 76 pounds, got a whole new wardrobe for Christmas, and then found out I was pregnant on Dec 27th. Well, at least I enjoyed it for a little while. ;)

In other news, please welcome LadyReason and lilpudgyone as our newest members. Ladies, I'm sorry it took me so long to get around to your requests, but here you go!

Current Mood: cheerful
Monday, October 21st, 2002
10:47 am
Size 14 - Working without a net
For the full poop and nothing but the poop, see my journal for details.

I did a dance in the dressing room and came out squealing. The sales clerks looked at me oddly and, while hopping up and down in place, I told them that I'd just lost 70 lbs. I bought 2 pairs of jeans and 4 tops. And none of them had an X, or a number larger than 14.

I am free.

This is a defining moment in my life. I never again will keep what I can't wear. And I will never again go above a size 14. This is it. This is my line in the sand. There is no safety net. It's time to be an adult. I'm through with pretending.

This is me. Like it or hate it. Take it or leave it. I'm done with excuses. I am reborn. I can do it. I can have the figure I've dreamed about for so long.

I am unstoppable.

Current Mood: jubilant
Friday, September 13th, 2002
7:12 am

66.2 pounds. I broke that evil 65 pound loss mark that had been taunting me with a 1.7 pound loss since Saturday.

It's good to be a loser!

I went back to journalling. Yes, I know, me who swears against it. But it's helping me get back on track. I've also gotten another new member to join. My hairdresser, Ana. She's not really overweight (She's already within the goal weight range), but she has major problems with high cholesterol and the medication she's on will push her weight up eventually. She wants to eat healthier and get her weight down some (maybe 8-10 lbs) to prepare for the health problems in her future. Her mother has major heart problems - we've often talked about the difficulties of caregiving. And she's my age as well, maybe 2 years younger. I'm so excited! She'll be coming to the Thursday meeting with me.

WOOOHOOO! I'm celebrating! Yesterday, I walked to do all my errands. It was such a wonderful feeling. Come on folks, if I can do it, I know you can!

Current Mood: rejuvenated
Tuesday, August 27th, 2002
5:39 pm
WW Update
Lost just under 2 lbs this week. Go me!

Current Mood: cheerful
Thursday, August 22nd, 2002
11:46 am
Event -*- Pause -*- Respond
One of Shannon's themes, and one of her best, I think.

Usually, it's Event/React.
You go out with a group of friends for coffee. There's a scone. You react and buy it and eat it. You're not thinking about your reasons for losing weight, or your goals. Maybe not even your points. You just see it and react.

Try to make it: Event -*- Pause/Stop/Think -*- Respond
Take a minute, use your focus wheel, your reframing tools, assess if you're really hungry. Then, if you really want it, eat it and enjoy it. And if you get off your points, oh well. It's a day. It's not bad. It's not good. You just made the choice. Own it. Make it yours.

Thought for the day:
Life is 10% what happens to us, and 90% how we choose to respond to it.

On the warfront:
Down .7 from last saturday, which means down 1.8 for a week. I am back in business. And this despite not exercising and making the choice to eat tons of sweets this week. But damn, they tasted good! I also stopped by and *finally* got a ball for the pilates workout that I can actually live with. Time to take the last one back. As someone commented this weekend, 'It looks like some strange torture device' - it has all these weird spikes on it that are supposed to make it easier to grip. No in fact, it just hurts your ass. I don't have the receipt anymore, so I'll just see if I can't return it for ankle weights. Wheee!

Current Mood: bouncy
Tuesday, August 20th, 2002
5:15 pm
Scaling the plateau.
Down almost two and a half pounds! I am now at the lowest weight I have been thus far on the program. :)

Current Mood: excited
6:55 am
Now, This is customer service
Okay, I was so pleased with fnding the No Pudge site, that I emailed the company president. And here was her email back. As a result, I so recommend anyone out there tries her product.

Hello *****,

Thanks so much for your email AND your willingness to spread the No Pudge "word". I greatly appreciate you efforts. I'm glad that your brownie cake turned out so delicious. Congratulations on your creativity!

Thanks again & Enjoy!!!

Lindsay Frucci
Founder & President
NO PUDGE! Foods, Inc.
800-730-4726 fax

Current Mood: happy
Monday, August 19th, 2002
11:39 am
No fat brownies
Yes, you read that right.

It's a mix I found called: "No Pudge Fudge Brownies". In fact, they have a site: www.nopudge.com.

Now, I added about 2 tbs of chocolate syrup and some splenda to taste with my stuff to think it out for a cake, and to make it a bit less bitter. They baked up absolutely wonderful and were a big hit.

Current Mood: excited
Thursday, August 15th, 2002
12:08 pm
Focus Wheel Exercise
I got back with my original group leader today, in an effort to get some of my focus back and get back in tune with how my weight loss journey is progressing.

Shannon had a Focus Wheel exercise, and I want to share it.

Make a positive goal or statement. You can take a challenge and turn it into a positive thing, like: Challenge: Company means high points and eating out and instead say: I will enjoy time with my family/company instead of making it about food. Or as simple as: I like the weight loss process. Put this in the center of your wheel.

Then define 8 small steps as ways to reach your goal, or affirm your statement. Arrange these on the outside, like pie pieces.

It's surprising how this simple little exercise can help you regain focus that you didn't quite realize you'd lost.

For the terribly curious, here's what my focus wheel looked like.

"If you believe you can succeed, you are absolutely right. If you believe you canNOT succeed, you are absolutely right. The difference is: which are you going to believe?" -- Shannon Silva

Current Mood: excited
Wednesday, August 14th, 2002
9:16 am
Okay, for those of you I haven't told yet: Dotti's Weight Loss Zone is a great source for low point recipes. Particularly if you don't subscribe to the weight watchers epoints thingie, like me.

That said, here are a few great dishes I tried last night. Everyone seemed to like 'em.

Tuscan Style Roast Pork

1 pork tenderloin (bone in or out) - 2 lbs
fresh rosemary
4 tsp olive oil
1/2 cup dry/off-dry white wine (I used an off-dry riesling)

Pre-heat oven to 375.

Make sure as much fat as possible is trimmed off the pork. Finely chop 1 tsp (ish) of rosemary, combine with minimal amounts of salt, fresh ground pepper and olive oil. Set aside.

Thinly slice approx 3 cloves of garlic. Make slices in pork roast and stuff slices with a garlic sliver or two. Then rub pork with olive oil mixture. Put in shallow pan and pour 1/2 cup wine in pan (not over pork)

Cook at 375 for approx 1 1/2 hrs (or until internal temp reads 170 degrees), basting roughly every 15 minutes with juices from the pan.

5 pts per serving (about 2 slices).
Prep time: 20 minutes
Cook time: Approx 90 minutes

Orzo with zucchini, sun dried tomatos and feta

1 cup orzo
1 medium zucchini (or to taste)
3-4 sun-dried tomatos (unmarinated)
4 tsp olive oil
3/4 cup reduced fat feta cheese (i used the tomato and basil one)
1 tsp fresh chopped oregano (or 2 tsp dried)

Cook orzo as directed on package
Slice zucchini into 1/4s, approx 1/4 inch thick.
To soften sun-dried tomatos, put in bowl and cover with boiling water for 5 minutes, then drain and cut into strips.

Put zucchini and tomatoes into microwave for approx 1-2 minutes on high, just to heat and lose some of the 'raw veggie' feeling. Zucchini should just be losing its white color.

Combine all ingrediants together, using oil to toss before adding oregano. Can be served hot or cold.

Points: 3 per 1/3 cup serving
Prep time: 5 minutes to chop veggies and soak tomatos
Cook time: 10 minutes for Orzo. Do not overcook!
Note: to get the points down, remove the sun dried tomatos.

Peanut Butter and Chocolate Pie
The original recipe is at Dotti's, for 3 pts for a huge serving, but here's how I altered it for 4 pts.

Graham cracker crumbs
I can't believe it's not butter
Splenda (loose, not packets)

Make crust as directed on the graham cracker crumbs box, using I can't believe it's not butter an Splenda instead of butter/margarine and sugar. Bake at 375 for 10 minutes. Let cool.

Make pie as directed, but instead of using rice crispies for crust use your made crust. Spread Reduced Fat peanut butter and honey mixture onto crust. Let cool while you make the pie mix.

Make pie mix as directed on box, using Coolwhip Free instead of 1/3 less fat coolwhip. Top with coolwhip free. Chill approx 2 hours.

4 pts for approx 1/6th of a pie
Prep time: 10 minutes for crust, 10 minutes for everything else
Cook time: 10 minutes for crust

Current Mood: accomplished
Tuesday, August 13th, 2002
4:31 pm
Shocked, in a happy way.
Down half a pound.

Current Mood: shocked
Monday, August 12th, 2002
5:48 pm
My life as an endorphin phreak
Yes, it's true. I'm starting to like exercise.

No, I'm serious! Stop laughing.

I'm finally to a point where I'm seeing the benefits from the exercise. And it comes in completely unexpected ways: carrying groceries in, carrying clothes upstairs, and in other ways that the spouse is delighted with. ;)

And, best of all: the high I used to get from eating I now get from exercising.

I never really realized I used to get a high from eating. But boy, howdy, did I! The best thing is that I don't feel like throwing up after exercising, like I did from overeating.

We went out with nineme and her spouse last night, and went to a steak place. She and I succumbed to the special they had: 2 margaritas and you get a free fried onion appetizer. So, we did. Now, I rarely drink, and I got a raspberry margarita. Little did I know they circled the glass with sugar, not salt. So, I ate it. And a good 1/4 of the onion. And my steak. And 1/2 of my potato. And the grilled shrimp. With butter.

So. With that reminding me none too gently that I needed some exercise to counter that nice little binge (and god, was it good!), I decided on Donna-mite this morning, and weight class #2 from Jane. Now, Monday is Laundry Day. So, I was distracted. Then there was the Battle of the Ants (see my main journal for more on that). Then I needed to run and get milk. Needless to say, by the time I got back, and folded more clothes, and other stuff, I was going: uhhh.... well... maybe pilates and the weight class. Or maybe low impact aerobics and the weight class. or maybe... just the weight class.

Then I reminded myself: you really enjoyed the food last night. Today, you must exercise, so you can enjoy it again some other night. So, I did Donna-mite, and the weight class #2.

And boy, do I feel good! As a matter of fact, I stopped talking over yahoo IM with spouse to go finish exercising. Something that's surely never happened before. I am confident. I like the way my muscles are beginning to feel. I like the fact that my ass is getting smaller again (and I have always had a huge ass, even when I was a dancer). I like that I have more stamina.

I will get to my weight goal. I will become healthy. I will feel better.
I am unstoppable.

Current Mood: ecstatic
5:57 pm
I didn't just fall off the wagon.

I tanked.

With no money, and thus having to resort to eating high calories, high fibergram, high fat foods, I'm sure I've probably not only not lost weight, but gained it back.

I'm afraid to go to WW tomorrow. I'm afraid of being accountable. I wish I knew why I'm so intent on sabotaging myself. What am I afraid of? Why am I so panicked about the idea of being hungry, or not being 'full'? And why can't I exert some semblance of control over my own power of will?

Current Mood: ashamed
Monday, August 5th, 2002
12:11 pm
Refinding my focus
Well, as strider13 can attest: I was a whiney ass bitch this morning. Achy and generally feeling like I'm coming down with something, I was whining big time about exercising this morning.

See, after the RCT fest this last week, and getting virutally nothing accomplished, I decided that I needed to exercise before I sat my ass down at the computer. So, I resolved yesterday to get up, exercise, and then feed my obsession and work on some webpages, that sort of thing. And then I get out of bed and feel like I've been run over by a mac truck. Plus, I need to take in the rent check to the bank to deposit. So, I'm like, well, that will force me to get off the computer. I check mail, start foliageofluna off on a coding project and zip off. When I get back, I'm feeling better, so I do my pilates DVD. And then, I do the Jane Fonda Weight class #1 video. Kinda cheated on that and didn't do the ab exercises from it (I figured I got quite enough from the pilates workout), and also took it easy on the quads, so hopefully I won't be so damned sore. Of course, I offset this with squats using 5lb weights, so it's a futile hope, but leave me with my illusions.

And just got off the phone with mom - she lost 2 lbs in 2 weeks! Excellent for her, because she can't exercise. She's lost 16.5 lbs in 5 months, which I think is just phenominal, considering all the challenges she has. And my mother in law is going back to weight watchers, along with spouse's aunt. I forgot to ask him how they did this weekend, so we'll see.

I'm also going to email my former group leader, and tell her I want to be a meeting helper for her one and only meeting. She still doe the Palo Alto one (I think) - Susan said she did, so we'll see if she does.

I will get back on track, I will defeat this plateau.

Current Mood: Confident
Saturday, August 3rd, 2002
2:11 pm
Bleah week
Okay, it's been a bleah week. I'm really frustrated with my plateau I've hit on my weightloss. I didn't work out (though I always watch my points), and pretty much just played rollercoaster tycoon all week. Yes, I'm obsessed. I can't wait for RCTII to come out this fall.

So at weigh in today, I lost 1.2 of the 1.9 I gained last week. And Susan, who's my meeting buddy, had gained 3 lbs. She's 15 from goal. And has been like 10-15 from goal for forever. She's lost 80+ lbs total, and has been at this for 3 years. She's really getting frustrated, so the two of us were the bad attitudes in class today. We did, however, approach Marvin about being meeting helpers after the end of the meeting. The plan is, after next week (which she's not sure she's going to be able to make), she's going to take saturdays, and I'll go to one during the week and help weigh people in and maybe assist on saturdays if they need me. Personally, I want to go to Shannon's one in Palo Alto. I miss her, and I think I could really use her guidance to break through that plateau.

At any rate, I'm resolving to get up and exercise every morning before I sit down at the computer. These days, with the Sims and RCT, it's an enormous time suck. Literally 3 hours will pass, and I won't have moved. This is not healthy. ;)

Current Mood: frustrated
Tuesday, July 30th, 2002
10:50 am
Right now I'm beginning to think that's the root of my current plateau I'm eating within my points (despite the 2 weeks in Vegas), and exercising, and drinking my water.

The killer? On Monday the 22nd, I went in and weighed, and had only gained .2 while I was on vacation. On Saturday the 27th, I weighed in my normal, and I'd gained 1.9lbs.

What? In less than 5 days?!?

That's got to be water weight and side effects of the medication I'm on. I'm going to be edging off of it for another 3 months, and we'll see what that does to the weightloss. I've been plateauing at 60lbs lost for 7+ weeks now, including the 2.5 I was on vacation. And still doing everything right. It will come off. Sooner or later.

I could be adding muscle, but somehow, I doubt that. I think it's just my usual water weight gain from my period. Hopefully this week will be better. Though I blew it last night. Did really good until we ordered pizza for dinner. Got it without cheese, but completely pigged out on the breadsticks that were 'free' with it. I shoulda told them to keep the breadsticks. ;)

Will try to exercise today, but I think I'm catching the roomie's bug, so we'll see how that goes.

Current Mood: Gamely Determined
Monday, July 29th, 2002
8:30 am
Fallen Off the Wagon
Yes, I've come to terms with the fact that I've fallen off the wagon. I've not been following the program like I should. I am still clinging to the bumper though (do wagons have bumpers?) and eating somewhat right. I just have not been adding points and have not been working out at all. I mean /at all/. It's been a good 2 months and I've worked out /once/.

I'm determined to get back on the wagon though, and even start pulling it! The points are going to be kept track of! Exercise is going to be done every day!

Now I just have to do it!

P.S. Been wrestling with the same 4 pounds for a while now. Was down to 31.5 pounds lost, but now back up to 28.5. The thing that bugs me the most is that I'm -->THIS<-- close to another goal and I'm not working for it! Fear of success? Perhaps.

Current Mood: weird
Thursday, July 25th, 2002
5:28 pm
Okay, including the 2 weeks I was on vacation, I've been at a plateau for about 6 weeks. It's time to watch a bit more of what I'm eating, and to get back into my exercise program. So, here's where I am today:

6 pts of bars for breakfast (slimfast and fruit and nut)
10 pts of chinese for lunch (spicy pork and 1/4 c pork fried rice, both with light oil)

20 minutes of Jane Fonda Low Impact aerobics
25 minutes of Jane Fonda Total Body Sculpting, class 1

Roomie got me a set of free weights (3 lbs and 5 lbs), a mat and an exercise ball for my birthday. And Oh, how I love my mat! This time, class 1 was a lot easier to do. My thighs aren't nearly as sore as they were the first time, and the squats didn't utterly kill me this time. Going up and down stairs hasn't been that bad to do.

Tomorrow will try: pilates and class 2 of total body sculpting. Hopefully while roomie's parents are out. ;)

Current Mood: energetic
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